So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
