Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
