i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
