so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.