ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.