Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize