that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
