Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My pussy is not your playground.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
