yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
3pm strippers are depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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