my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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