I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
