Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
