I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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