I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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