So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize