i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
