Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
