Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
