It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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