Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
