I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize