...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
