You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize