worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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