I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
