How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
