I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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