I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
