Kiss
Puke
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
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at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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