I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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