dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
