I think im going to throw up on grandma
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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