hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We have started to decorate penises.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
