Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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