I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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