When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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