bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
