my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
