Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
