Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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