Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
