"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
