when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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