ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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