He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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