two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
