Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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