its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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