I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
