I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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