Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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