That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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