I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
