Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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