you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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