I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
