You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize