Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
