Dual....:-)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
